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Funny Short Story: Lying

    This is a funny short story about lying. Lying is a learned skill. Some people are good at it, and others are not. Poker players can't win without being great at it. Politicians can't get elected without perfecting the art. As parents, we need to be able to detect it. The key for the liar is knowing when to make the attempt (you can get away with it) and when to show restraint. Thankfully most of our young children are really bad at it now, but I predict that unfortunately they'll get better at it as they get older. This funny short story won't help you deal with the lying, but hopefully it'll cheer you up while you're dealing with it.
    We have two kids; they're around the same age (girl-9 & boy-7). They're also around the same size which becomes important when fists fly, but doesn't really come into play for the lying thing. As you no doubt have already guessed (based on your own vast experience), the most common case is a pair of fingers pointing in the opposite direction.
    I know SOMEBODY did it. It's not even worth my time to ask Mommy if SHE did it because when was the last time Mommy mistakenly (or lazily) dropped a half-eaten candy cane on the carpet floor? And sure, I had a couple of drinks last night, but I don't even LIKE candy canes. No, the guilty party is definitely standing right in front of me. All I have to do is figure out who it is.
    Here's the funny part (of the funny short story): While I'm planning my next move in response to the criss-cross of accusational fingers, the guilty party fesses up! ... and I can't for the life of me figure out why! Perhaps it's because both of them (or at least the guilty one) didn't take the time to ponder how even Sherlock Holmes would be at a loss at where to start. It's not out of fear; I've never even raised my voice to either of them (I'm saving that for the right moment, like for the first time one of them drinks and drives or performs some other life threatening sin of stupidity).
    The punishment is minor. Pick up the candy cane and spend a minute or so rubbing the sticky carpet with a damp sponge ... or if the offense was failing to put away the Wii video game you lose one day of access to the device. My best guess is that the lack of sting included in the punishment is what's helping in the perpetrator discovery phase.
    The kids don't do any better in the flip-side scenario. "Who spilled food coloring all over the fireplace?" produces the two pointing fingers, but only one of them is covered in purple food coloring. It's hard to not laugh.
    Another funny short story (shorter but funnier), about a year ago I went on a walk with my friend and his two kids. In the interest of his privacy I neither confirm nor deny that this friend is a relative of mine, or even that this friend exists outside of my vivid imagination. Anyway, I'm talking on my cell phone and at some point there's a commotion that catches my attention. I hear my friend say, "I'm sure he wasn't TRYING to kick you!" The boy interjects, "I WAS trying to kick her, but I missed and kicked her bike instead."
    Well there you have it. They've got a lot to learn before graduating from law school. In the meantime let's be thankful for their lack of skill in the art of deception, hoping that it takes as long as possible for them to catch on. Also in the meantime it provides plenty of material for a funny short story.
DISCLAIMER: While the events described above are representative of true to life events in the life of the author, details of the story may be fuzzy or embellished for the benefit of the reader's enjoyment and for the benefit of SEO (Search Engine Optimization - the keyphrase is "funny short story" ... Admit it, that's what you typed into the search box).
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